“I need to step away.”
Those words caught in my throat during a critical stakeholder meeting. While our business partner warned us that missing our deadlines might mean sacrificing our holiday plans – a fair concern given our tight timeline – my mind had already drifted to those very vacation days. It was the third time that day I’d mentally checked out during an important conversation. This wasn’t like me. I was always the one preaching “mission over position,” yet here I was, leading a sprawling team of 14 direct reports, juggling coordination between three development teams, managing vendor relationships, and still trying to be a hands-on leader reviewing pull requests and occasionally writing code.
Through partnership and collaboration, we’d built a solid working relationship with our stakeholders – a testament to how far we’d come as a team. From the outside, I was handling it all. Inside? I was running on fumes.
The cracks started showing in small ways. Outside of work, I’d become a broken record, rehashing the week’s frustrations to anyone who would listen – sometimes more than once. Friends and colleagues kept nudging me to submit conference proposals, seeing speaking opportunities I was too drained to pursue. When I finally sat down to write, all I could produce were digital pages filled with venting.
That’s when I forced myself to stop and reflect. What was really going on? Why did I feel so depleted despite being deeply invested in my team’s success? The truth hit hard: in my drive to serve my team, I’d forgotten to take care of myself. And if I was struggling this much, my team probably was, too.
That moment of clarity sparked a journey of personal growth that not only transformed my approach to leadership but sent ripples of positive change throughout my entire team.
System Overload: When Leaders Run Hot
Focusing on personal growth often carries the stigma of being selfish, especially for leaders in the tech world. It’s like the classic airplane safety instructions: putting your oxygen mask on first might seem self-centered, but it’s essential if you want to help others effectively. When leaders neglect their own development, they risk stagnation, burnout, and ultimately, failing to meet the needs of those they’re responsible for guiding.
One of the biggest challenges for servant leaders is balancing immediate team demands with long-term personal growth. Your team needs answers now – one developer is blocked on a critical API integration, another needs your sign-off on a database schema, and stakeholders are waiting on vendor decisions. Yet, without carving out time to improve your skills and recharge, you’re essentially running on fumes. It’s like trying to update your codebase while ignoring the compiler warnings—you might get by for a while, but eventually, something’s going to break.
Leaders worry that taking time for courses, conferences, mentorship, or even vacation might seem like prioritizing personal goals over the team’s. But leadership is a journey, not a static destination. Investing in your growth is an act of service to your team. It’s like upgrading your operating system – there’s a temporary disruption, but the long-term benefits of a more capable leader are undeniable. When your team sees you modeling growth, it shows that learning and improvement are non-negotiable for everyone.
The truth is, leaders who invest in themselves are better equipped to invest in others. By reframing personal development as an enabler of better leadership rather than a detour, you can find the balance that serves both your needs and those of your team.
Refactoring Leadership: A New Approach
Understanding Individual Impact
When leaders focus on personal growth, the ripple effects reach far beyond their own development. A self-aware leader with emotional intelligence sets a tone for the entire team, fostering an environment where others feel empowered to grow. Think of it as a pebble dropped into a still pond: the initial splash is personal growth, but the ripples represent the collective benefits your team gains from a more confident, skilled, and grounded leader.
Key Areas for Personal Development
Personal growth for leaders starts with self-awareness – understanding your strengths, blind spots, and emotional triggers improves both decision-making and team empathy. Beyond interpersonal skills, maintaining technical expertise keeps you relevant in tech-heavy environments, while evolving your leadership style ensures adaptability to change. Work-life boundaries aren’t just about preventing burnout; they’re about modeling sustainable habits for your team.
Practical Implementation
Turn these ideas into action by setting concrete development goals. If you struggle with delegation, take a course and measure success by tracking how much time you free up for strategic thinking. Create space for growth by blocking time on your calendar—whether for learning, reflection, or mentorship—and treat it as non-negotiable. Be transparent with your team about what you’re working on and why; this builds trust and inspires them to pursue their own growth.
Celebrate when team members take on stretch assignments or invest in their skills. When they see their leader prioritizing development—both personal and team—it creates a culture where growth is valued and rewarded. Stronger teams are built on the foundation of self-aware, evolving leaders who lead by example.
Successful Deployment: The Impact of Change
The results of prioritizing my personal growth were undeniable—and humbling. My team noticed the difference almost immediately. They shared that seeing me take time to rest and recover earned their respect and strengthened their loyalty. They appreciated that I was striving to be the best leader I could be for their sake. As a team, we ended the year on a high note, meeting all our goals and entering the holidays with a sense of accomplishment and relief.
This shift didn’t just improve that one moment in time—it became a guiding principle for how I lead every team I work with. I was transparent with my leader about my plans and the reasons behind them, and this openness fostered trust. I’ve carried that forward by creating environments where my teams feel safe sharing when they’re struggling with burnout or challenges. This intentional focus on well-being allows me to better plan capacity, recognize their early signs of stress or fatigue, and proactively build in solutions—whether that’s a social hour, a team break, or adjusting non-critical deadlines.
The impact of this approach speaks for itself. My teams have consistently shown improved collaboration, engagement, and performance, and I’ve received positive feedback from team members who feel supported and valued. By prioritizing my own growth, I’ve been able to create a ripple effect that uplifts everyone I work with.
Release Notes: The Individual in Team v2.0
That period of reflection didn’t just help me regain my footing—it became a turning point. I remembered that the best way to lead my team through challenges was to lead myself first. One of the biggest breakthroughs? I finally channeled my frustrations and insights into something constructive: my first conference proposals. While that first talk wasn’t selected, it was the inspiration for this post. And I kept going, writing a second proposal that ultimately got accepted at three different conferences. Sharing my experiences with other leaders and aspiring leaders felt like a natural extension of the growth I’d been working on, and it helped me connect with others who were navigating similar struggles.
Like any good system upgrade, this transformation came with some critical release notes:
- Personal care and growth aren’t selfish – they’re essential for team success. Just as we schedule regular maintenance for our systems, leaders need dedicated time for renewal and growth.
- Great teams need strong individuals. A distributed system is only as reliable as its components – the same goes for teams and their members.
- Self care and leadership growth benefit everyone. When leaders model sustainable practices, it creates a cascade of positive changes throughout the team.
- Balance is key. Like any well-architected system, leadership requires careful attention to resource allocation and load balancing.
What I learned is this: personal growth isn’t a selfish pursuit—it’s a necessary investment in the people who depend on us. When leaders prioritize their own development, it creates a ripple effect that strengthens teams, organizations, and even entire communities.
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What’s one area of your personal growth you’ve been putting off that could make you a stronger leader—and how might that investment impact the people around you?